Buku Men Form Mars, Women From Venus, hari ni nak cerita sikit about one of the suptopic: women are like waves.......
Dalam chapter ni dia describe women’s emotion ada rise and fall yang sangat drastic, di satu masa perempuan akan jadi sangat loving and sangat motivating….dan dia akan tunjukkan kasih sayang yang tak bertepi buat husband dia, but when she fall, dia rasa diri sangat rapuh, rasa sangat hopeless and she feels alone and not supported. Dia akan jadi sangat beremosi dan reactive pada apa juga perkara yang dibincangkan ketika itu. Some men feels that the sudden change of mood tu because of his behavior. He takes credit when she is happy and he feel responsible when she is sad. He may feel extremely frustrated because he doesn’t know how to make things better.
What men normally used to do at this time is become MR FIX IT. Lelaki akan selalu bagi solution pada partner, what she has to do and what she cannot do (because ini memang nature lelaki, memberi solution pada problem) which actually make things worse. Actually, bila women emotion was falling, what they most need is someone to be with her as she goes down, to listen to her while she share her feeling and menunjukkan rasa simpati on what she is going through.
Even sometime men can’t fully understand why she felt that way, they still can give support by giving unconditional love, attention and support. Pada masa ni memang apa yang diperlukan adalah support and love from her partner. Bila her emptiness tu has been filled with love and support from her partner, dia akan secara automatic rasa lebih baik. But sometimes, after giving support, some women takkan boleh lega straight away. Some women takes longer time, depending how deep she falls, but by giving continuous support and love, she will become better.
Below is the warning sign for men that she may be going into her well or when SHE NEED HIS LOVE THE MOST….
She feels | She may say |
Overwhelmed | There is so much to do |
Insecure | I need more |
Resentful | I do everything |
Worried | But what about…? |
Confused | I don’t understand why… |
Exhausted | I cant do anything more |
Hopeless | I don’t know what to do |
Passive | I don’t care, do what you want |
Demanding | You should…. |
Withholding | No, I don’t want to.. |
Mistrust | What do you mean by that? |
Controlling | Well, did you..? |
Disapproving | How could you forget? |
As she feels more and more supported at this time, she begin to trust the relationship. As women get unconditional love support during her falls, it will be good for her because the next time she’s going through her fall again, she will not becoming so extreme that they overshadow her loving nature.
Menurut buku ni juga, perempuan sebenarnya need reassurance...kepastian yang dia disayangi dan dicintai sentiasa....itu adalah memang nature perempuan, not that she doesn't trust her partner (because most guy will feel that way when women keep asking, do you love me? do you miss me?), tapi itu memang nature sebagai perempuan...sentiasa ingin diri disayangi, dimanjakan...diambil berat.....diberi semangat ketika dalam keadaan sedih.....diucapkan kata-kata sayang dan rindu....emosi perempuan akan lebih baik malah memberikan semangat untuk seseorang perempuan menghadapi sebarang masalah atau cabaran.
Semoga alam perkahwinan yang dibina dgn ikatan yang suci ini kekal abadi dan dirahmati oleh Allah swt…
* Pesan orang tua-tua dalam menempuhi alam perkahwinan dengan tiga perkataan sahaja :”SABAR…SABAR dan SABAR”…
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